Berlin: The Happiest Place on Earth

 

So Berlin sometimes looks like a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it is still full of fun and good times! It's a strange city, it's very modern, but you can still sense the scars of Nazism and Communism. But Berlin did not let authoritarianism keep it down for long, at it's heart, it is a party town. 

While I was there, the city was preparing for Christmas. Christmas markets lined all the major streets selling candy, gluhvin (hot spiced wine), hats, and other Christmas paraphernalia. At Alexanderplatz, there was a large carnival with rides. In this area the city had a very festive feeling. In other areas, the city was populated by people who looked as though they might cry at any moment. 

Some East German dourness may remain in Berlin, as you can see above, but for the most part the city is very integrated. You cannot tell exactly when you are in the East or West sections of the city, and there is nearly no recognizable impression left from the wall. There is a cultural difference though, in East Berlin many people do not speak English, as they were instead taught Russian as their second language prior to reunification. This was my first time meeting people who didn't speak English in Europe. I was surprised at my own reaction, I felt as though these people should know English, we're in the developed world after all. Being in Europe has made me aware of the privilege of being fluent in English. Thankfully though, my friends Marc and Ina are native German speakers, and they smoothed out any rough translation patches. 

I stayed with my friend Ina in Kreuzberg, which is the Williamsburg, Sodermalm, Queen West, "insert trendy neighborhood here" of Berlin. The difference between Kreuzberg and the aforementioned is that Kreuzberg retains some of its original appeal, despite gentrification.

 

Kreuzberg has a large Turkish population, and is home to a Turkish market. I had never eaten Turkish food before, but in Berlin I was exposed to it in a big way. I ate at a certain Turkish bakery half-a-dozen times during my stay, but the bakery was open 24/7 and everything was just a euro. Turkish cuisine was similar to Greek or Lebanese, heavy on feta, spinach, and sesame. Kreuzberg also had a lot of Vietnamese restaurants, a product of Cold War era forced migration from Vietnam to the DDR.

Berlin also has the world's best kebab, called doner locally. I had kebab at one renowned street vendor, and it was delicious, with chicken, grilled vegetables, feta, and two kinds of sauce. Food in Berlin is also fantastically cheap, never once did I spend more than $10 at a meal. (Okay, I did once, but only once.)

The most notable thing about Berlin visually is that there is graffiti everywhere, some simple tags, other elaborate illustrations. A lot of the graffiti or street art is political, above is a "Free Mumia" poster, taking up the case of a death row inmate in Pennsylvania. There is also considerable anti-Nazi graffiti in Kreuzberg, as there are still clashes between Nazi and anti-Nazi street gangs.

Berlin is generally very leftist, and fascism isn't tolerated. However, with increased immigration there is increased nativism. There are two groups of skinheads in Berlin. The first are immigrants from the former USSR who gained German citizenship by claiming it through their great-grandparents. Some of these immigrants have formed street gangs that are anti-Semitic and anti-Turkish. Other skinheads are German nativists, who oppose any immigration or multiculturalism. However, these conflicts weren't visible in day to day life other than through the street art.

 

The largest collection of street art is the East Side Gallery, which is the largest stretch of the Berlin wall that still remains. They have preserved it as it was in 1989, and the art on the walls dates to that time. If anyone graffitis over the work, it is repainted to its original state. It seems odd in a city of constant change that street art would be preserved, but it is a large part of East Berlin's history. 

 There were many artists who worked on the wall, and a great variety of styles, but most of the art falls into general themes of philosophy, universal humanism, and parodies of Soviet communism. The above quote seems to be a fitting description of Berlin's restlessness, but it's funny that even on the Berlin wall, writing would be in English. 

It's incredible to have as much outdoor art as Berlin does. Walking through the city you are constantly immersed in it. But there is also indoor art. 

Here are some reindeer that have been fed magic mushrooms as part of an art project. The artist's intent was "Blah Blah ancient Sanskrit texts, blah blah perception, blah reindeer mice and canaries, blah you can pay 1000 euros to sleep in the stable and drink reindeer pee." In the artists defense, the reindeer pee may contain hallucinogenic properties. 

It was supposed to be art as an experiment. Neither the audience nor the artist was informed which group of reindeer was fed the fly agaric mushroom. However, one group of reindeer definitely acted like they were tripping. They were hyperventilating, licking themselves, and staring in the mirror. I wonder if the SPCA would frown on drugging reindeer for art, but apparently the reindeer will also consume the mushroom in the wild when foraging. I thought it was fun to watch the reindeer act silly, but my friend Marc said it wasn't art. 

If that wasn't art, this wasn't news. The frontpage story in Berlin was the tale of Flocky, the blind and deaf poodle that was left out in the snow. While this is certainly a sad story, does it really demand front page coverage? And to be shown as a breaking news bulletin on the metro TVs? Berliners love dogs though, and so the tale of Flocky was very much the zeitgeist. Dogs are allowed anywhere in Berlin, on trains, in restaurants, in expensive boutiques. I like it because I think it's fascinating to see dogs in people places, but I cringed when I saw a man hold a terrier in one arm while examining suede shoes. Dogs are great fun, but they will pee indoors. 

It wouldn't be a vacation in Germany without some cringing at inappropriate references to the Nazi past, and here at the Mercedes-Benz Christmas display Santa appears to be giving a Heil Hitler salute. Was this accidental? Intentional? Ironic? Offensive? I don't know, but I doubt Santa is a Nazi, he's Jewish! 

It was great fun to spend the week preceding Coca-Colamas in Berlin. (The Coca-Cola corporation has bought and reserved all rights to the holiday formerly known as Christmas within German borders.) Now I prepare to spend Christmas in Sweden, my first Christmas away from home.

PS: I learned something funny about German people. Despite their clean reputations, Germans do not shower daily. In fact, Germans only bathe when they perceive themselves to smell. They do this so they may save water, or because they enjoy filth. I now feel that the French are unfairly judged for their hygiene, when it is Germans that are the culprits. I skipped a few showers in Berlin after I noticed I was the only person showering, I wanted to feel a little more German.

In which I celebrate a made-up Swedish holiday

The Swedish are a greedy people. They crave celebration so much that they decided they could not wait two weeks until Christmas, and instead must have a holiday immediately. So they made up Sankta Lucia Day. My understanding is that it was a pagan ritual that celebrated candles and female virginity, to show resilience in the face of the dark winter. When the Catholic missionaries arrived, they too enjoyed candles and female virginity, so they retooled the holiday to be about a Greek martyr. When Catholicism was expelled from Sweden, they just loved the holiday too much to get rid of it, so they continue to celebrate a Greek Catholic saint with candles. Oh well, I mostly like it for the dinner.

My nation hosted a gasque (a Swedish word for formal dinner party) to celebrate Lucia. My friend Patrik stepped in to be my last minute prom date (although I forgot the corsage), and then we were off to enjoy some genuine Swedish festivities.

I apologize for being such a tourist and being so tacky as to photograph what I ate, but it was herring! The appetizer was two (TWO!) types of herring, served with knackebrod, a potato, and a beet salad. One herring was ginger flavored, the other mustard. Herring was much better than I expected, the texture was meaty and not at all offensive. It really wasn't so different from sushi. I think North Americans are overly squeamish about herring, although I've heard that even Swedes hate fermented herring (which I have yet to try.)

The main course was lamb and potato au gratin. Traditionally, Swedes eat a dish called Jonsson's Delight around this time of year, which is a potato casserole made with anchovies. The first time I ate it was rather traumatic, but I've grown to love and hate the thing. Most Swedish food is offensive at first, but it lures you in with repeated tastings.

Finally, they served a saffron cheesecake for dessert. Lots of desserts are saffron flavored for the holidays, even the glugg. Swedish cheesecake (ostkake) is different from New York style cheesecake. Swedish cheesecake has a grain to it, and is similar to marscapone cheese rather than cream cheese. I like all kinds of cheesecake though.

One odd thing is that there are all new beverages for Christmas, including Christmas beer, seen above. Christmas beers are darker and maltier usually, and each brewery produces its own. They're only around for the holidays, and then come back in new labels as Easter beer. They also make Julmust, which is like a spiced Coca-Cola that everyone buys over the holidays. One strange drink is "mumma", which tastes like Julmust and beer mixed together (that might be what it is.)

There is also new Christmas candy, my favorite of which is Juleskum. Skum translates to mean 'foam', but sounds a lot like our word 'scum'. They are little strawberry flavored Santa marshmallows. I ate this bag in one sitting.

Now that Lucia is over, it's on to Christmas, which I will also be spending in Sweden. I like Christmas season a lot in Sweden because it fits to my personal ideal - overwhelmingly commercial and entirely irreilgious. Sweden definitely gives North America a run for its money in sheer commercialism, they even make you buy new beer and soda! I like how Christmas infiltrates every part of Swedish life, which is notable in a country that has the highest proportion of non-religious people. I can certainly relate, because I grew up with secular Christmases that were about Santa rather than Jesus, and the only lessons were from TV specials about vague "Christmas miracles" and "the spirit of the season".

My last month in Europe will definitely be busy, with Berlin, Norway, and Gothenberg on the tentative itinerary.

Sex and Catfood

One thing unique to the Swedish psyche is the intersection of sex and pet food products. This kind of convergence between the erotic and catfood has not been seen in other cultures, as other anthropological surveys have surmised. In this post, I attempt to make sense of this phenomenon, and I will adopt an anthropological distance to maintain objectivity. I warn my more genteel readers, from here on it gets a little blue.

 

Here we see our first instance of the erotic marketing of catfood. Funny, I never thought it looked that good anyways. 

 

I believe it was Daryl Bem who theorized that the exotic becomes erotic...

Oh my...  Now they have taken it too far! How is this legal?!

Clearly there is a dark side to the sexualization of catfood, leading to earlier and earlier development of sexuality being pushed on youth. I can't imagine how the conscience of the Swedish people can rest with this travesty. 

 

Of course, not all catfood revolves around sex in Sweden. Opticat Prime here appeals to fantasies of bionic pets with cybertronic abilities. Certainly he must have Terminator vision. 

Of course they do have dogs in Sweden too, and yes, they are allowed to eat. Above is a concise but accurate description of Orlando. (I've been there, trust me, there is not a lot to say.) 

So yes, that is what interested me most in Sweden the past week. Puns of catfood names. Lest you think I am not providing educational content, below I share a prime example of Swedish-American relations

This is what America is to Swedes. Not purple mountains majesty, nor amber waves of grain. Not the bustle of New York City or the influence of Hollywood. Not the wide open spaces of all that stuff in between New York and Hollywood. No. America is donuts. What I find most incorrect about this whole scene is that donuts are Canadian! 

Donuts may have arguably originated in America, but they have been thoroughly appropriated by Canadians. Canadians consume the most donuts in the world per capita, and have the most donut stores. Swedes are not large donut consumers, but seem to appreciate the novelty. Only time will tell if donuts are spared the rampant sexualization that has befallen the catfood industry.

Winter Comes to Sweden

 

It has been some time since I last wrote, but I was ill, and while I was convalescing I had to write a final paper, but now I offer an update now that we are deep in the grips of winter.

It is very cold and snowy here, and while I know winter being a Canadian and all, it has been snowy ever since the beginning of November, which is earlier than I'm accustomed to. The snow does brighten the landscape up, which is a plus seeing as the sun sets at 3:30pm now.

One of the more unusual features of Uppsala is its very large and old cemetary in the middle of town. Swedish cemeteries look different from their North American counterparts. There are no rolling, grassy lawns. Instead all the plots are very orderly and each plot is covered with gravel neatly raked with a small garden of perennials. In winter the care taken to the cemetery is less apparent, but it is still beautiful.

Here in the cemetery, just as elsewhere in life, size denotes importance. Some monuments are impressive like the obelisk above, others are much more humble. Strangely, most of the graves in this section of the cemetery date from the 19th century, but they are still visited regularly with flowers and candles.

On All Souls' Day, everyone visits their ancestors' graves and lights candles. I went to the cemetery that night with friends, and it is a very strange sight to see, each grave marked by candles, some with many, and groups of mourners wandering in the darkness. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me, so I cannot share that magic moment. 

 

It is funny to see that even in the cemetery in winter, on a bare iron fence, things are living. On the curlicues of the fence at one grave, lichens were colonizing the iron. 

Lest you think I spend ALL my time creeping around cemeteries (I limit my time to an hour a day, tops!) I do normal activities as well. I was recently in Stockholm, at a garden market, where vendors apparently did not learn that pumpkins are supposed to be sold BEFORE Halloween. I suppose buying a discount pumpkin the week after Halloween is a good value, but unlike discount Halloween candy, or Bowing Day gifts, pumpkins won't keep till next year. I feel as though I should educate Swedes about Halloween, because currently they are doing it at a remedial level. 

 

The flower market in Stockholm was incredibly beautiful, and something I just came across.

 

I had previously written that Copenhagen is more outgoing and fun than Stockholm. I went back into Stockholm to see if my perception was truly correct, and I still feel it's true. Stockholm is very beautiful, but has an air of formality and propriety throughout the city. Copenhagen was in parts, genuinely dirty. There were people who were truly trashy. While I've had a more positive experience with Swedes, Copenhagen is more of a party town. Partying requires a certain level of filth and disregard for order, and Stockholm never loses its composure. 

 

But it is pretty. This picture above was taken at 4:30pm. The sun now sets a full hour earlier. It also noticeable now that the sun never gets very high in the sky. At noon it never seems to rise high enough, and then just begins setting. 

Strangely, the lack of sun hasn't bothered me here. Usually I have a lot less energy in the fall even in North America, but currently I'm getting less sunlight than Toronto gets during winter solstice, and I feel no urge to sleep 14 hours a day.

Now that it's winter, Jul season begins. As in North America, the Christmas season begins here the first of November. Also, it is highly commercialized and consumerist, so don't feel like you've got that on lock America. One Jul product is vinglogg, a wine spiced with cinnamon and clove, and served warm. It's very sweet, but it's tasty. However, unlike regular wine I don't think it has the same intoxicating feeling, despite its 15% alcohol content. 

Another Swedish culinary tradition I tried recently is Fiskbullar, or fish balls. The name alone put a stop in my throat, but I figured it is worth trying. I like meatballs and I like fish, so why not some meatball made out of fish? The fishballs come in various sauces: tomato basil, mustard, dill, shrimp. I tried the lobster flavor, which suffice to say tasted nothing like anything in the crustacean family. I don't know if Swedish people know what lobster is, but I'll tell you what it isn't: wet cardboard. I tried zesting up the paste that the balls came in to little avail. The balls themselves are soft and mealy. They are not chewy (something I was afraid of.) They weren't traumatizing, but I don't think I would eat them again.

 

As Swedish winter continues, as I still ride my bike everywhere. Above is an idea of the conditions I have to contend with. It is easy to see why Scandinavians found themselves in Minnesota and the Dakotas. Snow and flatness is familiar to them. While the local accent is more charming than any Minnesota braying, parts of Sweden looks not unlike any snowy part of the Midwest. 

 

One positive image to end on. Even in Sweden, the tropics are not so far away.  

PS: Recently, this author received comment that this blog is among the least pretentious a certain reader had ever read. I was dismayed to learn I'm not doing my job right! I am trying to be more pretentious, like a true blogger. Maybe later I'll upload some Godard film stills juxtaposed with Joy Division quotes. I promise I'll continue to become more pretentious until I'm genuinely insufferable! 

Denmark: The Mexico of Scandinavia

This weekend I went to Copenhagen (called Koebenhavn there) to visit the delightful Kasper and Maria. Denmark is a fantastic place, very warm and festive. It's hotter and sunnier than Sweden, and the nightlife is more raucous. For this reason it is considered the Mexico of Scandinavia. 

However, I arrived in Copenhagen too late, and the country has since been renamed McDonaldstan. However, Denmark is largely responsible for today's world of corporate entertainment, not only did they give us Lego, but:

They invented the amusement park. Tivoli was the world's first amusement park, although it's a long way from Disneyworld. 

It has an old-timey circus vibe, but I don't mind. Elephants are nice. 

Copenhagen was also home to Hans Christian Andersen, the world's most famous tortured-closted-homosexual-depressed-misanthrope whose work has been adapted into Disney feature films. Here are the stars of his tale, "The Ugly Duckling". In fact a swan with her three cygnets. There are marshes and lakes everywhere in the city. 

While I was there it was Halloween!

I did get to celebrate Halloween a little while I was there. I went as a man with a dinosaur for an arm:

The Danish do not have a strong tradition of Halloween and it has only recently begun to be practiced, but there is no excuse for this:

No Denmark, Halloween is not "15th - 24th of Oktober", it is October 31st! There is no room for debate over this issue, it's a fact, just like there are 365 days in the year, and that "Blackout" is the best Britney Spears album. Inarguable facts. 

Perhaps we cannot blame Denmark for its Halloween confusion. It is, afterall, a lawless society. Here is a view of Christiana, where cameras and police officers are forbidden. It is a commune separate from the rest of Denmark where they administer their own laws. Marijuana is legal, but needle drugs are a no-no. While being there on a Friday night felt like being in an apocalyptic hobo camp at the end of the world, they do accept Visa. 

There were 8-year olds in Halloween costumes playing beside the hash vendors, and I watched two dogs get in a fight - they bit each others faces! Kasper was scared, but I thought it was exciting. 

To overcome our fear, we went to an all-you-can-eat Sushi bar, called "Running Sushi" because the food is on a conveyor belt. Those with quick reflexes are rewarded. AYCE sushi is my favorite thing about Canada, so I was glad to see it in Denmark. The lack of AYCE sushi in America is truly a failure of liberty. 

Copenhagen is similar to Stockholm in size and both feel Nordic. Copenhagen is different though with its canals, which appear rather Dutch. 

Copenhagen is more casual than Stockholm, which is quite conservative by comparison. Copenhagen has a more lively nightlife and arguably has a larger culture scene with a large amount of contemporary art and architecture being produced there. 

Building on its historical traditions, Copenhagen is still a major design center. I met a designer while I was there, and her job is to use a computer to figure out how clothing should be assembled and fit. I didn't know that job existed, but apparently it happens here. 

This is the apartment my friend Maria shares with an architecture student. In Scandinavia, real life looks like Ikea. (Disclaimer: They decorated the room themselves, and painted the furniture. No actual Ikea was used in the making of this photo.) 

Denmark is also a city of romance. While walking back home at 4:00 am because the trains stopped running (I was so unhappy.) Kasper and I came across a romantic bridge where a new tradition has started. Couples place a lock on the rail of the bridge, and throw away the key. Some locks are kind of weird, and have three names (Polygamy is practiced in Denmark). Me and Kasper wanted to add our own lock of undying affection, but we couldn't find a locksmith that was open at 4:00 am! 

Basically, Copenhagen is really good and I would highly recommend it. It's what I imagine Amsterdam to be like, only less tacky. Being the Mexico of Scandinavia, Copenhagen is a Nordic Tijuana, a meticulously clean and effortlessly stylish party town! 

PS: Danish newspapers are shocking! On the front page there was a picture of a naked woman in the middle of childbirth, this was done to illustrate an article about natural birth, but still, the NYT would have ran a picture of smiling mother and child, freshly clean. 

Danish cartoons are also vulgar and provocative. One featured a nude Lars von Trier hanging is mother with his own umbilical cord. Another featured a phallus erupting from a beaten man's head. I know the Danish papers got a lot of flack over the Mohammed cartoon, but I doubt that is the most offensive piece they have published. 

I am a huge proponent of free speech, so I like that the Danish papers are challenging and provocative, but it is very different from the "family newspaper" that exists in North America.